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Pantanal is burning, send us money

Pantanal is the largest forest in the Milky Way, Bolsonaro is burning it with a flamethrower, the only way to stop him is giving us cash


For those of you gringos who don’t know, Pantanal, the largest forest of the world, of Brazil and of the Oceania and Caribbean is burning like hell due to our president, Jair Bolsonaro, who is personally setting fire to every piece of wood, animal and UN contract which he sees ahead. The only way to stop Bolsonaro of increasing global warming is giving us money to convince him to dress like an indian.

We need Leonardo DiCaprio and we need millions of dollars to achieve this important task to save Pantanal and the whole world. An Oscar and a Nobel Prize for Peace (in cash) are also needful.

Only you and your money can save Pantanal. Stop being such a jerk and open your wallet, otherwise Bolsonaro will win.

See this photo of Bolsonaro setting fire in Pantanal riding a dragon:

Here are some facts you need to know about Pantanal

  • All water from Atlantic Ocean (The Pound) and half from Indian Ocean comes from Pantanal.
  • Pantanal has the second largest variation of specimens on the planet, with billions of kangaroos, whales, giraffes, penguins, camels and American eagles, only after Central Park Zoo.
  • The arsons in Pantanal are burning old mummies, three treasures of Indiana Jones (and one of Lara Croft), one new kind of marijuana and the flight log of Jeffrey Epstein (ok, forget about this part, or Al Gore will burn the mess out himself tomorrow).
  • Pantanal has the secret ending of Pitfall.
  • Pantanal’s version of Mount Rushmore has Hillary Clinton on it.
  • All the indians in Pantanal vote for Joe Biden, gave good feedback for “Cuties” and wear masks all the time. They do not deny science and fight against transphobia.
Brasil Paralelo – Os Donos da Verdade

Besides, if you save Pantanal and empty your pockets in our humanitarian and progressive bank account, Leo wins another Oscar.

For every penny that you donate to our cause, ten tigers and two hundred fish will be reforested. Also, we will find that Nigerian prince. There’s no better investment fund in all Wall Street.

Here are some specimens that you only find in Pantanal and will die if you don’t send us green

Loch Ness monster
This one
Brazilian flamingo

Save Pantanal by giving us cash. Pantanal needs you and the wealthy guys from Hollywood. Otherwise, Trump and Bolsonaro will win and the Siberian wolves and panda bears will die. And it will be your fault, you greedy asshole.

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Flavio Morgenstern

Flavio Morgenstern é escritor, analista político, palestrante e tradutor. Seu trabalho tem foco nas relações entre linguagem e poder e em construções de narrativas. É autor do livro "Por trás da máscara: do passe livre aos black blocs". Tem passagens pela Jovem Pan, RedeTV!, Gazeta do Povo e Die Weltwoche, na Suiça.

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